I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
