I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
