Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Randomize
