I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
