you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
