I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Farmville is her only friend.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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