It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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