my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
