TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
