I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
