I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
