I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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