Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
