Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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