im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize