Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just pee around me
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
