wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm like, not good at living.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
