Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
