I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
