So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
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A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
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After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
His nipple licking is glorious
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