sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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