Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
