I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
