He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
