My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
