Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
