Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just cropdusted the office
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
