Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
