i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
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