theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
What a dumb baby whore.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
