I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize