I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
