I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
