I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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