also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
