he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize