So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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