One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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