We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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