Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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