How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
