i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
