Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
