We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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