That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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