you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
