Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
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every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
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If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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