I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
