It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
