are you still at the devil's house?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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