Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He shit in the fireplace
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
