I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
