My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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