You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
