I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
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And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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