i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
