I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
