Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Michael Bay diarrhea
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
