Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
