I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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