he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
