the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
