matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
