Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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