okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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