i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
