how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
