Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my sisters under your porch take her home
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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