why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
