i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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