my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I have feelings that need drinking.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
